ARgh!!!! i feel so miserable now. i just tot of the past n many things occured to me.


Relationship
After so many attempts at a relationship, wat i gotten in the end was just sadness n more sadness. Hurt over n over again. wat have i done to deserve this? i just wan to have someone who i can love n cherish. is it tat hard? Perhaps i'm just not fated to have tat someone. Perhaps i should just be a loner. Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps.....


Studies
My studies have been going downhill since duno when. to think of it, i haven really studied like siao since .... wait, i haven done tat b4. maybe coz i'm tat freaking lazy. well, it's like study so hard for wat. Theres like no motivation. As if theres no goal in sight. Y am i studying? For wat? For who? Why? N theres a review test coming real soon - term1 week 1 12/1-16/1. the sch wans me to pass everything, otherwise they will force me out of the sch. But according to my CT, he says at most retained. If they really forced me out, i'll go to MI. i haven started studying at all. i only got 2 weeks left to study due to the cips n carollings. i think i'm going to retain. Retaining doesn't really bother me much, the only thing tat bothers me is 08S15. My body tells me not to study n retain but my heart tells me to study n chiong for As. I'm rather lost now. =/


Choir
Well, i joined choir during the end of March. I had totally no experience at singing n stuff tat time n i dun exactly have a big range or an angelic voice. I didn't dare to sing aloud coz i was super afraid tat i may sing the wrong notes n stuff n cause the songs to sound bad. I even wanted to quit choir for Vball during the middle of the yr. But ultimately, it was my choir friends tat caused me to stay in choir. Midway through the practices for carolling, i suddenly felt the confidence to sing louder. Its this confidence tat i dun feel for a long time. But after the combined practice at tpjc, this confidence went away again. I felt inferior, in terms of voice, to the tp peeps. I suddenly felt tat i do not belong to choir. Perhaps i'll do better in some other CCA. Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps......


Home
I couldn't exactly study well at home. There will always be ppl nagging at me, irritating me. Cannot take it. For many ppl, home is a place where they look forward to everyday during sch n stuff. For me, i dun exactly look forwards going home. I prefer to hang out wif my friends. Even it means going to pasir ris. haha. Y do i get this kind of home? Y cant i be in a normal family? Why? Why? WHY???


Well, these r the things tat r troubling me now. I feel so miserable, so frustrated. Just dun feel the energy to carry on anymore. Somebody pls tell me wat i should do. but... i dun think much ppl will bother about me, let alone come to my blog n see the stuffs tat i wrote.

3:23 AM;
I made my mark